


Does Not Work That Way (In Which the Gods will Never Leave me Alone)

by Nightzilla333



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-22 17:06:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9617132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightzilla333/pseuds/Nightzilla333
Summary: “Please God, I’ll do anything…” you say. And God hears you! Well, not THAT God. A god. And not a god you really want to owe a favor.Prompt from: http://writing-prompt-s.tumblr.com/post/152761189593/please-god-ill-do-anything-you-say-and-god





	

“It was a joke!” I cried out, my hands moving in a sweeping motion. “I have midterms! I’m in my fourth year! I _have a full course load_!” But the… the asshole just sat there, a smirk on his face and an eyebrow raised. “ _I don’t even believe in you_! _I’m fucking agnostic_!” My voice rose to a shrill screeching level.

“Yeah, but you’re cute, and people tend to not ask me for favours.”

“That’s because you impregnate them!”

“I see nothing wrong with carrying a gods child. My father has fathered many demigods, and they all have led grand lives.”

“They all led horrible lives! Your father’s _wife_ made sure of that!”

“They were heroes.” He rolled his eyes. “I don’t see the problem with this. I win some, you win some. I can make it so you pass top of your classes for the rest of your education.” He sang the last part, as if that would make it more tempting.

It kinda did, which sucks. “There’s still one problem to your whole, ‘carry my child, mere mortal’ shtick that you have going on.” I crossed my arms and glared at him. “Two, if you consider that fact that I don’t know you.”

“The second one isn’t a problem. I’d be willing to date you.”

I stared at him in silence. I could _feel_ my eyebrows try to leave my face, with how high they had risen. “Okay… still a couple of problems.”

“I don’t see any problems.”

It was my turn to roll my eyes. “Well, I have a glaringly obvious problem. I identify as a dude. I have a penis. I don’t have any of the tooling to properly grow a child in my abdomen. Also, I don’t… I’m not interested in males. Or females. _Or_ ,” I glared at him, remembering his father’s stunt as a swan, “animals. You aren’t attractive to me.”

“I’m considered the most attractive of the gods!”

“Yeah,” I snorted, “when it was relevant. Just, get over it. I’m not going to have your kid. So, go away. I have to study. I have three papers due.”

He shrugged. “Your loss.”

“Don’t turn me into a plant like you have your other lost loves, please. In fact, I would _love_ to talk to Athena. She may have some insight on the battle formations that the Roman’s used.”

“Why does everyone ask for Athena when I appear? I’m the god of Education!”

“Yeah, but she’s the goddess of Wisdom. And has the added bonus of not trying to sleep with or impregnate you.”

“Whatever.”

“Bye Apollo.” I turned around in my computer chair, facing my laptop and spread out textbooks. I didn’t see him leave, but I felt it. The temperature dropped back to normal, and the light went from a warm yellow glow back to the pitiful glow coming from my lamp and laptop.

There was a clap of thunder, which is weird, because the weather wasn’t calling for storms, and the air in my room grew damp. I felt the colour drain from my face, and I slowly turned around.

He was lounging across my bed, a rose between his fingers. “So…” he started.

“No! No, no, no, no, _no. Get out. Zeus, get out_. I don’t want to die. Hera!” I yelled out, “Do you hear me? I’m saying no! I don’t want your husband. _Please_ come collect him!”

“Awe. You’re no fun.” He popped out of my room, the thunder and lightning signalling his departure.

I didn’t relax for the rest of the night.


End file.
